Unleash me!

13th September 2011 Cloudy 1AM

When i look back my old days photo,

when i sit down and recall back,

when i resting and think,

what would be the 1st thing actually comes out in my mind?

what is the most refreshing memories?

hmm.. nothing much fun,

Smile never came first.

all i recall back is Sadness, Hurt

Dear God,

am i not optimistic enough or

my life were meant to be pathetic?

why my grown up stage must fill with sad & sorrow?

i really think this big question mark seriously,

and i find out the truth,

my SADNESS is more than HAPPINESS,

that's why every time i recall back my mind,

sadness Come 1st.

i always make myself so fine,

so cool so happy. seriously,

really make myself pretending like i am happy.

but now i realize, really realizing that.

i had been living with sadness in my teenage life.

my teenage life is not happy. most of them are not. happy at all

and it affect my University Life as well. impact to my growing life.

so now i feel i am Pathetic.

why i feel so? ok i spread it out.

i wan to stop myself being pretending,

keep on telling myself think positively,

be happy. is ok i am just fine. this that.

optimistic..

bla bla bla.. which make me live like a fake king.

It only caused pain and misery.

One tiny things that make me F**K UP is friendship.

so starting now, i wanted to be realistic person.

because nobody cares.

who cares i got a very best friend or dont?

no1 no1. man it's nobody.

the caring part always

is only myself. so being optimistic is only make me suffer.

always thought that myself can be mix to the people i wanted to.

thought that i was 1 of them.

say it no more from now!

it was only make myself a joke only,

i am really a joker.

do accept the truth, i really force to accept this truth,

pain, but it's fact ~

friends around me,

do have their very best friends,

it's good, happy for them!

because they owning things i don't have.

and the best friendship mostly are bond during

teenage or childhood time. Agree?

and i just want to say that,

i don't have this kind of friends.

i wish to have 1, but i don't have.

and friends that i know. have their best friends,

and non of their best friends list, is me.

if u have this kind of friends, be proud =),

be happy.. u are really 1 of the lucky 1.

i see myself, just pathetic when look into friendship.

let's see myself clearly, confess myself.

must be i not good enough.

must be my social life not good.

must be. must be i not worth for any friendship.

i really try to build best friendship with some1,

but i didn't got that chance to do it greatly.

recently again, i drowned a friendship into the deep sea.

stupid me.

i have so less good friends and i am still losing it.

that's why it's really matter to me.

i did apologize, but no second chance, is ok i am fine with it.

since we don't understand each other well enough,

and i did my move that i was suppose to do,

and it didn't work out anymore. it's fine,

no matter how hurt it was, i still have to recover.

but is to lost a great great friendship that i take it matter in my life.

well, how nice if really some1 tell me,

"u are 1 of the friends that is best to have"

maybe i will happy to heard that,

but i know. i just know. it was only just a dreams =)

perhaps i am destiny to be lone ranger.

Families and Love Partners ONLY.

Friendship? haha..

so be it ~

now onward.

be realistic, if not beneficial for me to mix around,

then let it be. this is what we call changes,

changes to be a life of a business minded person,

only those people that u get benefit,

or those who getting advantages from you.

that u will be mixing around..

i am Pathetic? am i?

to me who love friendship before.

who friendship so matter to.

i would say.

yes, it is!

"Gary Yeik, this is you"